i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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