Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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