He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize