If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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