i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize