i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
