Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
