my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
