K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
