drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
