4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
