My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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