Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize