So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
