I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
