He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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