I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
