so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
