So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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