Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
