$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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