the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
