My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
