Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
