Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
