So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
