Is it because I queefed?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
