god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
