tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
