if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She even gives head with a lisp.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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