His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
