I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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