gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
