This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
