"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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