I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
