I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
