you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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