I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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