she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
