I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
