Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
