i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
