Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
