i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
