cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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