you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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