Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
