There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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