So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
