Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
