You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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