you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
