Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize