Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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