is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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