The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
