She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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