When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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