and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize