I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
