while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
