Pappa wants mamma naked
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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