I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
