we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
