Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
