remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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