Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
