so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
