Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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