Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
