Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
