Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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